Swords

How many swords do you own? Believe it or not, they were all gifts and have been loved mightily. The wooden one on top has been glued together oh-so-many times and if you look closely you'll see duct tape on the longest one.

Name Change

When reading Your Spirited Child I found so much to be relevant, encouraging and helpful that I knew I would read it again. This time I have my own copy and am highlighting it fiercely. I'm stuck on chapter two; it's about labels.

In my previous post about the book, I said

The author uses "spirited" in lieu of stubborn, difficult, strong willed, mother killer, or Dennis the Menace. I don't hesitate to use all those words to describe my son, Destructo. Spirited, however, seems to have a more positive twist.

The more I think about calling my dear son, Destructo, I'm convinced I need to change his bloggy name to something more positive.

The author warns against labels - especially the negative ones. She tells a story of a little girl who misbehaves. The grandmother corrects the child, to which the child replied, "It's okay, I'm supposed to be the wild one."

Here are some examples of positive and negative labels. I'm working to use the positive ones.

holds high standards instead of demanding
enthusiastic and zestful instead of loud
curious instead of nosy
energetic instead of wild
compelling instead of impatient
dramatic instead of explosive
selective instead of picky
perceptive instead of distractible

and my favorites:
opinionated, strongly committed to one's goals instead of argumentative
assertive, persistent in the face of obstacles instead of stubborn

One of the closing paragraphs says

Don't let others intimidate you with hurtful labels. Teach them to use words that reflect your child's potential by using them yourself.

I've chatted with a few friends and of course my husband and I'm leaning towards calling him Mr. Intensity. What do you think of that nickname?

Sword & Shield

In this video, you'll see Mr. Intensity enjoying his sword and shield. The shield is attached to his body with a long strip of white cloth. I've been making curtains for a friend - you'll see them at the end of the video, drapped over the chair.

The white block-like objects are foam that came in a package. He cut them into small pieces and began to "whap" them with his sword...until he realized I was capturing it on camera.

Wrecking Ball

Not sure why it took me so long to make a wrecking ball for Destructo but I finally did. It's bascially a piece of masking tape scrunched up on yarn, covered with foil. A few weeks ago he walked around the house swinging his arm calling himself a wrecking ball

In the beginning you'll hear my Australian friend say something like, "Boom! Look at that base. It's hard to rock a base like that..." At the end, you'll hear Destructo say, "I need to get a knife."

Creamy Tomato Soup

My spirited child tastes things intensely. We have had more than our fair share of battles at the dinner table. There's been weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. We've bribed with dessert, used isloation and a couple of spankings (not all in the same night.) Twice he's been on a 24-hr hunger strike because he refused to eat what was given to him for dinner (he had all the water he wanted to drink).

Last night, when I served dinner, I was expecting a battle. Soup is not on the preferred pre-schooler list. However, he loves cheese and crakers. I made a deal with him (and this doesn't always work): If you eat your soup, you can have cheese and crackers.

He ate the soup. Just when hubby was handing him the cheese and crackers, the lil man said, "May I have more soup?"

What?! Oh-my-gosh. Did you just say what I thought you said?

We explained that because he ate the soup he could have cheese and crackers. His response? "But can I have more soup first?"

Is this really happening?

Of course you may have more soup.

It is a super yummy recipe modified just a bit from The Schwarzbein Principle Cookbook. I love the cookbook and also highly recommend The Schwarzbein Principle, which will help you understand her philosophy.

Read the reviews on Amazon for more details but my journey with Schwarzbein began almost two years ago my very health conscious neighbor (Gina) introduced me to the Schwarzbein Principle, the author is an endocrinologist. It's the first "diet" that I could prescribe to...because it's not a diet, it's a way of living. Schwarzbein's philosophy is similar to a Weight Watchers or "south beach" but using only natural ingredients (no artificial sweetners or "low-fat" ingredients.)

Back to the soup:
28 oz can of tomatoes w/ juice
~2t olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
3 medium carrots, diced
3 celery stalks, diced
2 minced garlic cloves
1/4 c finely chopped parsley*
1/3 c slivered fresh basil*
1 bay leaf*
2-3 c chicken broth, depending on how thick you like soup
1 c heavy cream
* optional, tastes super yummy if you use it and yummy if you don't

In a large heavy-bottomed soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. When hot, add onion, garlic, carrots and celery. Saute until veggies are softened, about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes, parsley, basil, bay leaf, stock and salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce to low, partially cover, and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove bay leaf. In a blender or food processor, puree soup in batches until smooth. Return soup to pot and stir in cream. Taste and adjust seasoning, and simmer until heated through, about 5 minutes. Do not boil.

Serve with cheese and crackers or if you want to be gourmet - a grilled cheese sandwich.

Full Body Art

The first few seconds of the video aren't stellar but the ending is full-body-art.

Mopping Floors

Mopping the floors was on the list of things to do today. And, we mopped floors - just not the way I expected.

Destructo was enjoying his favorite activity, play in the bathroom sink, when I noticed a few sprinkles of water on the floor. Water on tile floors in the desert means that it immediately turns to mud. We have so much dust I can't even begin to keep up with it!

Being the Montessori-minded mother that I am, I thought, "no problem. I'll give him a bucket of water and a rag and let him mop the bathroom floor."

After the explanation I went into the kitchen to tend to dishes. Something he said caused me to think I should check on him. When I turned the corner all I saw was a puddle of water at the base of our stairs, which is a good 10 feet from the bathroom!

He had dumped out all 1.5 gallons of water in the bucket. Why I gave him so much water in the first place I'll never know.

I ran upstairs to get some towels to mop up the bulk since he'd already immersed the bath sized hand towel in the sink. All in all, it took 2 bathtowels 2 kitchen towels and a bunch of washcloths to mop up the water. After we were finished mopping the water he came to me with a sponge mop and said, "Here Momma, we can use this!"

Why didn't I think of that?

Raising Your Spirited Child

After complaining about my difficult son, a friend recommended that I read Raising Your Spirited Child. The subtitle of this book is the best: a guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic. Immediately I went to amazon and read some reviews. I was skeptical. However, not completely doubtful that I could glean wisdom from this book, I borrowed a copy from my public library. In 48 hours I've devoured 75%. Convinced I'll reread it I'm going to buy my own copy and mark it up. It's that good.

There were a few minor points where I disagree, where the book seems to approach child-centered parenting but on the whole, I recommend it.

The author uses "spirited" in lieu of stubborn, difficult, strong willed, mother killer, or Dennis the Menace. I don't hesitate to use all those words to describe my son, Destructo. Spirited, however, seems to have a more positive twist.

Best of all about this book has been the guilt-relieving factor. Never, well, seldom have I thought, "What's wrong with this kid?!" More often, I've thought, "What's wrong with me? Why don't I like my child? How can he make me so angry?" *note: He doesn't always rub me the wrong way but it is quite frequent.

I appreciate the author's use of real-life stories in the book, as well as confessions from other parents who have survived "spirited" children. The book gives good ideas for parents of children ages 6 months to 10 years or older.

There are five categories of a spirited child, yet not all spirited children possess all of the following characteristics (overview from pp9-10):

Intensity - noisy when play, laugh, take a shower. They can skip into a room...only to depart 30 seconds later inflamed. Their tantrums are raw and enduring.
Persistence - they can "lock" right in, committed to their task, goal oriented, and unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their mind is a major undertaking. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves.
Sensitivity - keenly aware, spirited kids quickly respond to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. Every sensation and emotion is absorbed by them.
Perceptiveness - Send them to their room to get dressed and ...they forget about getting dressed. They notice everything. (I would call this one distracted easily - but the author warns against negative labels.)
Adaptability - Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another.

At face value, my son is all of the above. However, on a given day (before reading this book) if you'd asked me if he was "sensitive" I'd shout, NO WAY because he's not emotional. But according to this author's definition, YES! Some of the real life instances that jumped out to me while reading the sensitive chapter:

- he can't take loud noises, even noises that I wouldn't consider loud (like a big truck and he loves trucks)
- his sock seams must be just so. It sends him to the moon if they're not.
- he can taste brand differences of milk, cottage cheese and bread. All three he has tasted and said, "This...tastes yucky" when it's not our normal brand. I knew something was awry when we were at a friend's who served organic milk (he didn't see the carton). After tasting it he said, "Momma, this milk tastes yucky." It didn't. He could taste that it was different than ours. Weird.
- the author mentions television, "spirited children are entranced by it...Beware! You'll pay for it later." Anyone who has seen Destructo zoned in front of a TV will know what this means. When it's turned off he becomes a monster. Thus the reason we don't own a TV (we watch media thru our computer).
- he likes to wear "soft jammies close to my skin...not the baggy kind"

Beyond the five main characteristics of a spirited child, there are "bonus" characteristics:
Regularity - sleeping and or eating (or not) on a schedule
Energy - bouncing off the walls
First Reaction - unfamiliar things may be met with a vehement 'no'
Mood - smiles are few and far between, prone to whining (this is one category that he doesn't fit. Our guy is quite happy-go-lucky.)

Some of the above seemed similar to what I'd written in another book review, specifically, that my son seems to be at the extreme edge of each characteristic. I felt very validated by the author of "Spirited Child" because more than once she said, "these children are difficult to parent...especially if they are strong in more than one characteristic. "

So - do you have a spirited child? What books have you found helpful?

[Edited to add: I wrote another post on this book.]

Mast or Missile?

Here are pictures to help stimulate your imagination of ships and missiles as mentioned in the previous post. I could hear him talking about ships in the water, so I asked if the toothpick was a mast. As if exasperated he replied, "No, it's a missile, Mom." Duh. What was I thinking?

I promise you, I do not teach Destructo to think on destructive things. He does it of his own free will.

I had no idea that this bottle of toothpicks would be so much fun. It's days like this that I wonder: why do I even plan projects for him? He has such a vivid imagination.
Note: While I was distracted in the kitchen to take a picture of the toothpicks...somehow he found last week's tempera painting to use as a ship. Once wet, he smeared the paint on the towel. "Look at the colors, Mom!" I tried to fake my excitement with his discovery. RRrrrgh. Thankfully it washed clean.

New Name?

As if to live up to his nickname (Destructo), our little man has been swinging his right arm furiously the past few days and saying, "I'm a wrecking ball!"

Hubby and I were laughing about this over breakfast (D. was still asleep) and he said, "Well, the world needs good wrecking balls. Who wants a wrecking ball that only partially does the job ?"

Let Him Eat Cake

For three summers in college I was a counselor at a kids camp. It was SO MUCH FUN. The camp's name was King's Domain and many of our activities had royal names to them. Birthdays weren't the exception. The counselors tried to make a big deal out of b-days since the kids were away from home on the special day. The counselors would dress in silly clothes and barge into the lunch room yelling, acting crazy. Below is the chant/song we'd sing to the kiddos on their magical day.

[The lead silly person would start by yelling:]

There's a birthday in the palace!
[the rest would say:] Whose is it?
It's John Isaac's and he's three-and-a-half!

[all:] We just heard from the royal page that
Prince John Isaac is 3.5 in age.

In the Majors' home - it's a special treat
'Cause a Birthday Prince just can't-be-beat!

So, bring out the cake, just for you -
We hope your birthday is special, too!

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you!

Birthdays are fun; making cake is fun. We like fun at our house. However, the main motivation for making a big deal of a half birthday was purely to put him to work, um, give him more responsibilities.

Hubby and I have tried to make a big deal about "When you get older, you have more responsibilities." These are the responsibilities expected for our 3.5 year old:

-make his bed every morning before coming downstairs. He started this a few months ago. He's got a way to go before hospital corners, but it looks better than just crawling out of bed.
-folding wash cloths (shapes: sqaure, rectangle, square!)
-putting away his clean clothes
-taking his plate to the sink after meals
-putting away the clean silverware from the dishwasher

*note: I added 1/2 c. pumpkin puree to the cake (idea inspired by Jessica Seinfeld) - no one noticed a taste difference. We made 12 cupcakes for the neighbors, which JI loved delivering! and one 8" round (to cut in half for 1/2 of a cake for a 1/2 b-day. :) When I flipped the cake out of the pan it cracked. I'm not sure if it was from lack of practice, it wasn't cool enough, or from the pumpkin puree addition.

Green and Gray

JI discovered the joy of mixing tempra paint today: green (yellow + blue) and gray (black + white). After painting for a total of 5 minutes he was bored.

Since we were already messy and it was warm outside, I pulled out the sidewalk chalk paint. (Love it, BTW.)
He seemed to be working so diligently. I *thought* I could sneak inside and clean the kitchen.

Not long after, unsure of the "pitter patter" sound, I peeked out to find...

Good to Be "Normal"

In a Jewish parenting book, Blessings of a Skinned Knee, I learned about a secular parenting book I skimmed at Borders tonight: Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy. The same author also has books for ages 1-14 years old.

Reading in it what is "normal" for an almost 3.5 year old boy was a breath of fresh air for me. Ahhh. It's hard to describe how much better I feel, equipped with this knowledge. When my mom was here last week, she said, "I think he's ADHD."

Because John and I were at Borders under the time constraints of a babysitter, I scribbled down a few notes, so that I could contemplate more fully later. The author categorized the three-year-old personality in the following ways. (It seems that Destructo is really at the extreme range of the spectrum, in most of the categories. I've bolded descriptive words for my son.)

1. high drive high energy or low drive low energy
2. Focal or peripheral (distracted easily)
3. perseverative or tires very quickly (with tasks)
4. organizes from within or chiefly influenced by the environment
5. influenced or controlled by intellect or emotions (he constantly asks why?! and isn't manipulated/pursuaded based on anything emotional)
6. adapts easily to environment or environment must adapt to child (not sure here)

*interesting of note here - the author said, "There is not a very scientific dichotomy but one that almost any mother of several children will say that some children are 'not a bit of trouble for anyone' (can handle self, care, precise in nature) or children are 'so demanding that literally mother can get nothing done'" (he breaks things, is accident prone). The latter definitely sounds like Destructo.

7. spotless child or always dirty
8. timing: does things rapidly or slowly (this describes tempo and pattern over a period of time)
9. What time of day do they function best? How do they get out of bed? (Lil Man bounds out of bed and doesn't stop moving until we make him go to bed and lay still.)
10. Forward or backward looker? He's always asking about "what's next?" rather than talking about something already occurred.
11. Perfectionist or adventurous (I think the word could be daredevil)

To this list, I would add something about being energized (or not) by people. Our Lil Man is definitely jazzed by being with people. It is almost torture for him to be alone.

One last sentence that I copied because I wanted to discuss with John, who was chatting with a friend:

"First born boys are especially hard to raise. They like to have friends whom they can dominate."

Hubby is also a first born son.

P is for Park

At the park today with friends we discussed Raising Your Children for Christ. The kids played on the playground while the mommas basked in the 78* sun (aren't ya jealous!?)

As moms do, we were standing around in a circle wrapping up our conversations. My little man busts over and whips out his BOY PARTS.

My friend, who just gave birth to her second daughter, jumped with fright. I know she's seen boy parts before - how else would she have two children?!

Well, my Lil Mister commences to pee. Right there in the park. Right in front of all us girls! He was so proud.

We moms couldn't stop laughing. I mean belly laughing. The kind of laugh that gives you tears. It was hilarious. Wish you could have been there. Then again, maybe you're glad you weren't. You wouldn't have pee on your bare foot (the reason my friend jumped.)